Healthy Relationships Are Something We All Want

The prospect of a healthy relationship (an intimate one or a friendship) is so compelling. It's truly one of the most wonderful things in life. Yet we look at the world and see relationship problems everywhere. If you find yourself in one or more of these problematic relationships, you’ve come to the right place.

This site offers tools and tips to empower you to identify and address your relationship problems, and learn what you are doing (if anything) to contribute to these problems. It is possible you may decide to cut the ties with the other person, or perhaps set boundaries with someone. Alternatively, you may find that couples therapy is needed for problems you're experiencing in your intimate relationship. 

Has Your Intimate Relationship Taken A Turn For The Worse?

Very few things in life are more stressful than problems in our intimate relationships. Few things are more costly in terms of heartache, time, and dashed hopes.

Are you experiencing any of the following?

  • A struggling or failing marriage or other intimate relationship
  • A once-healthy relationship, now souring
  • Feeling like you made a mistake getting into the relationship
  • An otherwise-good relationship that is marred by toxic arguing and conflict
  • A lack of communication that revolves around a fear of conflict
  • Jealousy
  • Boredom
  • Fear of or actual infidelity
  • Significant Differences in Core Values or Beliefs
  • Addiction Issues
  • Financial Disagreements or Problems
  • Domestic Violence--if you are experiencing emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse from your partner, get help from a professional now

These are all significant problems that must be addressed in order for you to be healthy--in your life or your relationship. You may be finding yourself considering termination of the relationship or marriage. In this case, couples/marriage therapy may prove helpful.

Do You Find Yourself In Codependent Relationships?

Codependency can be a significant problem. Wikipedia (2016) defines codependent relationships as a type of “dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Wikipedia goes on to add that “among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity”. Check out my page on codependence for more on this. 

If you find this to be a problem for you, it’s probably time for you to examine your relationship problems in this light. It is possible to turn this around. It may be time for you to consider counseling. This could include any of the following:

For now, let’s take a look at some of the fundamentals. Do you find that

  • You rely on pleasing others to gain a sense of self-worth?
  • Find yourself spending large amounts of time taking care of others?
  • Neglecting your own needs?

If you answered ‘yes’ to one or more of the above, it’s probably time to take a closer look. You can change these traits, if you’re willing to take an honest look at yourself. My services are especially tailored to help people examine their situation and move toward greater interpersonal harmony.

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Active Listening and Solid Communication are Crucial in Healthy Relationships

Healthy communication is essential in a relationship of any kind.

Here are some Active Listening tips that will promote interpersonal harmony

  1. Pay full attention
  2. Show the speaker that you are listening. In other words, be totally engaged both verbally and with your body language
  3. Provide feedback by paraphrasing and asking questions. This reduces miscommunication
  4. Allow the speaker to finish what they are saying before responding. Interrupting the speaker is a recipe for failure.
  5. Respond honestly and respectfully

Obtained from: www.mindtools.com.

If you find yourself feeling emotionally charged up, it may be time to take a break for a few minutes (or longer) and come back when you are feeling calmer.

Active listening is such a critical part of healthy relationships. Learn more here.

Click here for more specific tools about listening and communication that will help establish and maintain solid relationships.

What are Signs of A Healthy, Intimate Relationship?

I'm so glad you asked! Here are 50 things to look for. The more of these you have in your relationship, the better. However, I must say that open, honest communication and mutual trust are the backbone of any healthy relationship--intimate or otherwise. 

In addition to these qualities, I've found that people in healthy relationships tend to

1) give others the benefit of the doubt. In other words, if something seems amiss, they don’t ASSUME the worst, they ASK for more information.

2) listen to others. They listen closely to what is important to the other person, and try to step into their world and understand what’s going on. Then they respond accordingly.

3) do what they say they’re going to do. If they make a commitment to someone, they keep it. Their word is as good as gold. This shows integrity and sincerity, and creates trust. Trust is a quality that is second to none in healthy relationships.

4) have good self-awareness--they know their strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. This self-awareness helps us get along with others, because they understand what they bring to the table in any interaction; therefore, these folks don’t blame others for ‘their own stuff’ (their own reactions and emotions). Whether you’re considering an intimate relationship, an important friendship, or your company’s relationship with another company, the application of these four dimensions will go a long way toward creating and sustaining a harmonious interpersonal relationship(s).

Healthy Relationships and Conflict

Some people have the belief that healthy relationships don't have any disagreement or conflict. That's simply not true. One of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship (whether it's a friendship or intimate relationship) is the ability and willingness of both people to address conflict and disagreement in a constructive fashion. If this is a particular area of interest for you, I'd like to recommend of the best books I have ever read on conflict, healthy communication, and harmonious human relationships. This book is entitled Be Quiet Be Heard by Susan and Peter Glaser. I was lucky enough to attend a day-long seminar by Susan and Peter in 2006, and found it to be very enlightening. Their book is nothing short of fantastic! Their website can be found here. 

How Do You Feel About Trusting Others?

Trust is such a massively important aspect of healthy relationships. It's hard to overstate the importance of trust, and being willing to be vulnerable to some extent with those we love. Without a significant level of trust in our close friends and intimate partner, we are destined to live empty, unhappy lives. No question, trust takes some work. For some people,  some damage repair must be done. Healing must take place for some of us in order to be willing to trust again. More on trust on this page. 

Time for a Professional Perspective?

Healthy relationships are hard work. Intimate relationships can be even harder at times, for many reasons. If you and/or your partner feel that you need professional support to help your relationship, please contact me for a consultation. 

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