Do you have anger control problems? Would you like to bring your emotions into better balance? If so, this page is for you. As someone who had major anger issues at one point in my life, I can assure you that it is possible to improve your ability to channel this powerful emotion. Notice I say 'channel', because trying to get rid of or stuff one's anger without examining the root cause isn't a good idea. It is important to be able to express one's anger when necessary, but this notion is quite unsettling for some people. Many folks believe (or were raised to believe) that it isn't okay to express anger, especially not intense anger.
I would argue that the expression of anger--even intense anger--is sometimes necessary in order to maintain healthy emotional balance over the long run. How, when, and to whom we express the anger is critical.
It is vital to learn what triggers your anger. More specifically, it’s important to be
If you find that you are so quick to anger that you can get extremely angry in a flash, then figuring out your triggers and increasing awareness of your emotions and thoughts is key. What types of situations trigger your anger? As discussed above, where do you feel the anger in your body? What thoughts are you thinking?
Even if this process happens very quickly, you can, with effort and persistence, slow the process down and channel your energy more productively. In fact, it is critical that you slow the process down, in order to be successful at managing and channeling your anger energy. If this seems overwhelming, and you aren't sure where to start, anger management therapy can be quite helpful as well. I have worked with many individuals over the past 18 years on this specific issue!
I invite you to do some self-analysis. Does expressing anger make you feel powerful in a way nothing else does? If so, you have a strong motive to keep your anger close by. Like a trusted friend, it is always there, ready to help you feel powerful again. Alas, you realize by now that there must be another way. Anger takes a harsh toll--on our mind, our body, our relationships, and our energy level.
However, you must, I say MUST, find another way to feel powerful (or whatever the anger does for you). A way that is more helpful--and less emotionally toxic--than anger. This will require some introspection about your personal strengths and how to enhance them in your life. Once you've found a more adaptive way to feel powerful, anger control is within your reach. Keep working at this. The payoff is worth it.
Do you have trouble expressing anger because you were taught it’s not okay to do so? This form of anger control--not expressing it in the first place--is most unhealthy. As you’ve probably figured out by this point in your life, unexpressed anger comes out in other ways--depression, self-hatred, anxiety, and physical problems.
Sooner or later, the anger may come out as just that--anger. The problem is, you may be exploding on people like a volcano, due to the buildup of pressure and frustration over time. This damages your relationships and hinders your overall emotional self-control.
If you’ve been hard-wired to believe that the expression of anger is a bad thing, consider counseling. Like anyone else, you have a right to feel anger at times, and the expression of anger, frustration, and related emotions is in fact healthy to a point. The key is finding your balance.
Anger control is possible. Anger itself is not a bad thing. It’s a matter of intensity, frequency, and how it’s channeled. If you think you need professional support in coping with your anger, come and see me. I have helped many people learn to channel anger, frustration and related emotions in a way that is healthy, not toxic.
For more information, check out this WebMD link.